7 Tips for Disciplining Your Toddler

Toddlers Behaving Badly

As a 2-year-old, Nathaniel Lampros, of Sandy, Utah, was fascinated with toy swords and loved to duel with Kenayde, his 4-year-old sister. But inevitably, he'd whack her in the head, she'd dissolve in tears, and Angela, their mother, would come running to see what had happened. She'd ask Nathaniel to apologize, as well as give Kenayde a hug and make her laugh to pacify hurt feelings. If he resisted, Angela would put her son in time-out.

"I worried that Nathaniel would never outgrow his rough behavior, and there were days when I'd get so frustrated with him that I'd end up crying," recalls Lampros, now a mother of four. "But I really wanted Nathaniel to play nicely, so I did my best to teach him how to do it."

For many mothers, doling out effective discipline is one of the toughest and most frustrating tasks of parenting, a seemingly never-ending test of wills between you and your child. Because just when your 2-year-old "gets" that she can't thump her baby brother in the head with a doll, she'll latch on to another bothersome behavior -- and the process starts anew.

What exactly does it mean to "discipline" a toddler? Some people equate it with spanking and punishment, but that's not what we're talking about. As many parenting experts see it, discipline is about setting rules to stop your little one from engaging in behavior that's aggressive (hitting and biting), dangerous (running out in the street), and inappropriate (throwing food). It's also about following through with consequences when he breaks the rules -- or what Linda Pearson, a Denver-based psychiatric nurse practitioner who specializes in family and parent counseling, calls "being a good boss." Here are seven strategies that can help you set limits and stop bad behavior.

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1. Pick Your Battles

"If you're always saying, 'No, no, no,' your child will tune out the no and won't understand your priorities," says Pearson, author of The Discipline Miracle (AMACOM). "Plus you can't possibly follow through on all of the nos.'" Define what's important to you, set limits accordingly, and follow through with appropriate consequences. Then ease up on little things that are annoying but otherwise fall into the "who cares?" category -- the habits your child is likely to outgrow, such as insisting on wearing purple (and only purple).

For Anna Lucca, of Washington, D.C., that means letting her 2-1/2-year-old daughter trash her bedroom before she dozes off for a nap. "I find books and clothes scattered all over the floor when Isabel wakes up, so she must get out of bed to play after I put her down," Lucca says. "I tell her not to make a mess, but she doesn't listen. Rather than try to catch her in the act and say, 'No, no, no,' I make her clean up right after her nap." Lucca is also quick to praise Isabel for saying please and sharing toys with her 5-month-old sister. "Hopefully, the positive reinforcement will encourage Isabel to do more of the good behavior -- and less of the bad," she says.

2. Know Your Child's Triggers

Some misbehavior is preventable -- as long as you can anticipate what will spark it and you create a game plan in advance, such as removing tangible temptations. This strategy worked for Jean Nelson, of Pasadena, California, after her 2-year-old son took delight in dragging toilet paper down the hall, giggling as the roll unfurled behind him. "The first two times Luke did it, I told him, 'No,' but when he did it a third time, I moved the toilet paper to a high shelf in the bathroom that he couldn't reach," Nelson says. "For a toddler, pulling toilet paper is irresistible fun. It was easier to take it out of his way than to fight about it."

If your 18-month-old is prone to grabbing cans off grocery store shelves, bring along some toys for him to play with in the cart while you're shopping. If your 2-year-old won't share her stuffed animals during playdates at home, remove them from the designated play area before her pal arrives. And if your 3-year-old likes to draw on the walls, stash the crayons in an out-of-reach drawer and don't let him color without supervision. Also, some children act out when they're hungry, overtired, or frustrated from being cooped up inside, says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of the DVD and book The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Bantam). Make sure your child eats healthy snacks, gets enough sleep (a minimum of 10 hours at night, plus a one- to two-hour nap), and plays outside to burn off energy -- even in chilly weather.

3. Be Consistent

"Between the ages of 2 and 3, children are working hard to understand how their behavior impacts the people around them," says Claire Lerner, LCSW, director of parenting resources with Zero to Three, a nationwide nonprofit promoting the healthy development of babies and toddlers. "If your reaction to a situation keeps changing -- one day you let your son throw a ball in the house and the next you don't -- you'll confuse him with mixed signals."

There's no timetable as to how many incidents and reprimands it will take before your child stops a certain misbehavior. But if you always respond the same way, he'll probably learn his lesson after four or five times. Consistency was key for Orly Isaacson, of Bethesda, Maryland, when her 18-month-old went through a biting phase. Each time Sasha chomped on Isaacson's finger, she used a louder-than-usual voice to correct her -- "Nooooooooo, Sasha! Don't bite! That hurts Mommy!" -- and then handed her a toy as a distraction. "I'm very low-key, so raising my voice startled Sasha and got the message across fast," she says. A caveat: by age 2, many kids learn how to make their parents lose resolve just by being cute. Don't let your child's tactics sway you -- no matter how cute (or clever) they are.

4. Don't Get Emotional

Sure, it's hard to stay calm when your 18-month-old yanks the dog's tail or your 3-year-old refuses to brush his teeth for the gazillionth night in a row. But if you scream in anger, the message you're trying to send will get lost and the situation will escalate -- fast. "When a child is flooded with a parent's negative mood, he'll see the emotion and won't hear what you're saying," explains William Coleman, MD, professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School, in Chapel Hill. Indeed, an angry reaction will only enhance the entertainment value for your child, so resist the urge to raise your voice. Take a deep breath, count to three, and get down to your child's eye level. Be fast and firm, serious and stern when you deliver the reprimand.

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5. Keep It Short and Simple

If you're like most first-time mothers, you tend to reason with your child when she breaks rules, offering detailed explanations about what she did wrong and issuing detailed threats about the privileges she'll lose if she doesn't stop misbehaving. But as a discipline strategy, overtalking is as ineffective as becoming overly emotional, warns Dr. Coleman. While an 18-month-old lacks the cognitive ability to understand complex sentences, a 2- or 3-year-old with more developed language skills still lacks the attention span to absorb what you're saying. Instead, speak in short phrases, repeating them a few times and incorporating vocal inflections and facial expressions, Dr. Coleman advises. For example, if your 18-month-old swats your arm, say, "No, Jake! Don't hit Mommy! That hurts! No hitting. No hitting." A 2-year-old can comprehend a bit more: "Evan, no jumping on the sofa! No jumping. Jumping is dangerous -- you could fall. No jumping!" And a 3-year-old can process cause and effect, so state the consequences of the behavior: "Ashley, your teeth need to be brushed. You can brush them -- or I can brush them for you. You decide. The longer it takes, the less time we'll have to read Dr. Seuss."

6. Give a Time-Out

If repeated reprimands, redirection, and loss of privileges haven't cured your child of his offending behavior, consider putting him in time-out for a minute per year of age. "This is an excellent discipline tool for kids who are doing the big-time no-nos," Dr. Karp explains. Before imposing a time-out, put a serious look on your face and give a warning in a stern tone of voice ("I'm counting to three, and if you don't stop, you're going to time-out. One, two, THREE!"). If she doesn't listen, take her to the quiet and safe spot you've designated for time-outs, and set a timer. When it goes off, ask her to apologize and give her a big hug to convey that you're not angry. "Nathaniel hated going to time-out for hitting his sister with the plastic sword, but I was clear about the consequences and stuck with it," says Angela Lampros. "After a few weeks, he learned his lesson." Indeed, toddlersdon't like to be separated from their parents and toys, so eventually the mere threat of a time-out should be enough to stop them in their tracks.

7. Stay Positive

No matter how frustrated you feel about your child's misbehavior, don't vent about it in front of him. "If people heard their boss at work say, 'I don't know what to do with my employees. They run the company, and I feel powerless to do anything about it,' they'd lose respect for him and run the place even more," says Pearson. "It's the same thing when children hear their parents speak about them in a hopeless or negative way. They won't have a good image of you as their boss, and they'll end up repeating the behavior."

Still, it's perfectly normal to feel exasperated from time to time. If you reach that point, turn to your spouse, your pediatrician, or a trusted friend for support and advice.

Ages & Stages

Effective discipline starts with understanding where your child falls on the developmental spectrum. Our guide:

• At 18 months your child is curious, fearless, impulsive, mobile, and clueless about the consequences of her actions -- a recipe for trouble. "My image of an 18-month-old is a child who's running down the hall away from his mother but looking over his shoulder to see if she's there and then running some more," says William Coleman, MD, professor of pediatrics at the Center for Development and Learning at the University of North Carolina Medical School, in Chapel Hill. "Though he's building a vocabulary and can follow simple instructions, he can't effectively communicate his needs or understand lengthy reprimands. He may bite or hit to register his displeasure -- or to get your attention. Consequences of misbehavior must be immediate. Indeed, if you wait even 10 minutes to react, he won't remember what he did wrong or tie his action to the consequence, says Linda Pearson, a Denver-based psychiatric nurse practitioner.
• At age 2 your child is using her developing motor skills to test limits, by running, jumping, throwing, and climbing. She's speaking a few words at a time, she becomes frustrated when she can't get her point across, and she's prone to tantrums. She's also self-centered and doesn't like to share. "People call it the terrible twos, but it's really the 'autonomous twos,'" Dr. Coleman says. Consequences should be swift, as a 2-year-old is unable to grasp time. But since she still lacks impulse control, give her another chance soon after the incident, says Claire Lerner, LCSW, director of parenting resources with Zero to Three, a nationwide nonprofit promoting the healthy development of babies and toddlers.
• At age 3 your child is now a chatterbox; he's using language to argue his point of view. Since he loves to be with other children and has boundless energy, he may have a tough time playing quietly at home. "Taking a 3-year-old to a gym or karate class will give him the social contact he craves and let him release energy," says Harvey Karp, MD, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of California-Los Angeles Medical School. "At this age, kids need that as much as they need affection and food." He also knows right from wrong, understands cause and effect, and retains information for several hours. Consequences can be delayed for maximum impact, and explanations can be more detailed. For example, if he hurls Cheerios at his sister, remind him about the no-food-throwing rule and explain that if he does it again, he won't get to watch Blues Clues. If he continues to throw food, take it away from him. When he asks to watch TV, say, "Remember when Mommy told you not to throw cereal -- and you did anyway? Well, Mommy said the consequence is no Blues Clues today."

Freelance writer Cynthia Hanson lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and well-behaved 5-year-old son.

Originally published in American Baby magazine, February 2007.

All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.

SOURCE: parents.com

Communication Tips to PArents

Be available for your children

• Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk — for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car — and be available.
• Start the conversation; it lets your kids know you care about what's happening in their lives.
• Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.
• Learn about your children's interests — for example, favorite music and activities — and show interest in them.
• Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question.

Let your kids know you're listening

• When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
• Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
• Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their point before you respond.
• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.

Respond in a way your children will hear

• Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
• Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree.
• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
• Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation.

Remember:

• Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings or help solving a problem.
• Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings.
• Talk to your children — don't lecture, criticize, threaten or say hurtful things.
• Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to step in.
• Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk and they may share the rest of the story.

Parenting is hard work

• Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a mental health professional to find out how they can help.

SOURCE: American Psychological Association 

6 Genius Tips to Keep Kids Safe When You Get Separated in Crowds

The Short of It

You can never be too cautious when it comes to taking kids to crowded summer places, and these creative—and easy!—tips can help keep your children a little safer during your next trip to the farmers market or water park.

The Lowdown

Ahh, summer! It means beaches, concerts and outdoor music festivals. They sound so inviting, but they all mean one thing: crowds. They're annoying for grown-ups and often downright scary for little kids—what happens if you get separated?

The police department in Clovis, Calif., recently posted on its Facebook page a couple preventive safety hacks for when you take little ones to crowded public places.

"Taking your young child to a big event, theme park, or other busy location?" the post reads. "Write your phone number on their wrist and cover it with liquid band-aid in case you get separated."

They also suggested taking a pic of your kids with your cell phone the morning of the eventso you'll have an up-to-date photo and know exactly what they were wearing.

The tips were part of a re-post from a few months back, but that didn't stop them from quickly going viral, racking up more than 23,000 shares.

Child development expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa told Today that both of the police deparment's tips are very effective. She also shared her personal strategies for when she takes her own kids out in public.

• For starters, she says you should teach any child over the age of 4 to memorize your cell phone number. "If they can learn a song, they can learn a number," she explains. "Being able to tell a safety officer how to get in touch with their grown-up will teach kids a valuable life skill and also help them calm down."
• Then once you get to your destination, Gilboa says it's important to point out to your child the people who work there."Help them identify employees or lifeguards," she says. "And then make sure they can tell you how they know that person works here (has a radio on their belt, is wearing a particular shirt, has a nametag) so that they can figure it out without you."
• If you're at an event with assigned seating, like a concert or baseball game, Gilboa suggestsgiving your kids their own seat ticket to hold onto or put in their pocket. "Most security guards and ushers will bring kids back to their seat if they know where it is or have their ticket stub," she explains.
• And finally, we know it sounds scary, but assume you'll get separated and have a plan in place. "Give your kids lots of reminders about staying together, but also talk about what you'll do when you can't find each other," Gilboa says. "This makes kids less scared when it happens and makes the whole group more prepared."

Source: parenting.com

5 Ways to Teach Your Children Civility and Why It Matters Now

Teaching civility doesn't have to involve preachy lectures or onerous rules. The great thing about kids is that they're sponges—they absorb everything we say and do! So the best move that you as a parent can make is to model the behavior you want to see your child adopt. Here are a few helpful tips for teaching and modeling the civility that will help your children make the world a better place (but no pressure!):

1. Look out

By this I mean, look outside yourself, and encourage your children to do the same. Encourage them to notice other kids who may be alone on the playground or at school and who might enjoy some company. Help them observe and recognize signs of emotions in other people. For example, use a mirror to experiment with facial expressions and discuss the corresponding emotions, so they have a sense when others are feeling sad or fearful and can offer comfort.

2. Model tolerance and acceptance

Children are naturally curious and observant of differences. But they'll also follow your lead: When you and your child see someone who is noticeably different from you (whether through disability or age or any other distinguishing feature), show your child by your easygoing response that thesedifferences are meant to be accepted and understood. If your child has questions, answer them in a matter-of-fact manner, without staring or pointing.

3. Teach manners

Sometimes it really is the little things that count the most. Children who learn to say "Please" and "Thank you" and "May I" create a civil environment that generates a positive response in everyone around them. (Who doesn't love a 3-year-old who says, "May I have some water please, Dad?")

4. Serve the community

Get your children involved in community service at an early age. Kids love being given a small task to do that they can easily manage—it gives them a great sense of accomplishment and pride—and all the more so when they know it's helping other people or making their community better. Children can put sandwiches inside lunch bags for distribution at a local soup kitchen. They can gather toys or clothes they no longer use for donation to a shelter. They can (while wearing gloves!) help pick up trash during a beach clean-up or a civic pride event. There are many ways to participate in the life of your community, and your child will grow up understanding that this is just what good citizens do.

More from Parenting: Community Service Ideas for Kids

5. Walk the talk

Try to set a positive example in all that you say and do. No one's a saint, and no one is perfect, but making the effort shows that you believe it's important and worthwhile—and your child will learn that, too.

As hard as it sometimes is to believe, we will survive these uncivil times. And I feel truly hopeful that with the right foundation at home, today's children can create a more tolerant and generous world in the future. I'd even turn on my television to see that!

Source: parenting.com 

Healthy Living Tip 1

Your first step toward healthy living is to get a handle on your health status right now. Here's your to-do list:

Make appointments with your doctor and dentist. Catch up on your routine screening and immunizations, and take the opportunity to ask your doctor any questions you might have.
Gauge your girth. Measure your height and weight to check your BMI, and measure your waist circumference to see if you're overweight and if your waistline is putting your health at risk.
Assess your activity. How much physical activity do you get in a typical week? How intense is that activity? How much variety do you get in your activity, and how much do you enjoy it? The CDC recommends that adults get at least two and a half hours per week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or one hour and 15 minutes per week of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity, plus muscle-strengthening activities at least two days per week.
Keep a food diary. Write down everything you eat for a day -- and no fair skipping the items you're embarrassed about. "The idea is to write it down ... without judgment," says Kathianne Sellers Williams, MEd, RD, LD, a nutritionist, wellness coach, and personal trainer with Cafe Physique in Atlanta. "You can't change what you're not aware of or don't acknowledge."
Check your mood and energy. Healthy living includes emotional wellness and adequate rest. How has your mood been lately? Are you experiencing any symptoms of depression or anxiety? Do you usually sleep well for seven to eight hours a night?
Consider your social network. How strong are your connections with family and friends? Are you plugged in with social or spiritual groups that enrich your life? "People have a fundamental need for positive and lasting relationships," C. Nathan DeWall, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky, tells WebMD.
If you're not thrilled with the answers to some of those questions, remember that the point is to figure out where you are today so you can set your healthy living goals. It's not about being "good" or "bad," "right" or "wrong."

SOURCE: http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/healthy-living-8-steps-to-take-today

6 Most Fun Moves in Country Heat

When it comes to workout motivation, the science is unequivocal: “Studies show that if you’re doing something you love, and you see results, you’re more likely to keep doing it,” says Autumn Calabrese, creator of the new country-dance inspired workout program Country Heat. “That’s what makes Country Heat so effective—who doesn’t love dancing? And when you see how much weight you’re losing by doing the workouts and following the nutrition plan, there will be no stopping you.”

In short, Country Heat uses fun as a powerful transformation tool, and the moves that follow are six of Calabrese’s favorites. “They will give you a taste of what you’ll find in the complete program,” says Calabrese. “You’ll be enjoying yourself so much, you won’t even realize how hard you’re working or how many calories you’re burning.”

Ride The Horse
“This is a fun move that starts easy but ends with your heart pumping and your legs burning,” says Calabrese.

How to do it: Spread your feet wide, raise your right arm above your head, and hold your left arm out straight in front of your chest. Now alternately lift one foot off the floor as you swing your right arm like your twirling a lasso.

Jump Low
“I love how much this move works your legs and butt,” says Calabrese. “It’s not hard, but it’s incredibly effective.”

How to do it: Stand with your feet together and your hands by your sides. Hop up and rotate left. When you land, immediately drop into a half squat and bring your hands together in front of your chest. Jump up and spread your legs in the air, landing with your arms by your sides and your left heel forward and the ball of your right foot back. Jump up again, bringing your feet and hands back together, and dropping into a half squat when you land. Repeat three times total, and then repeat to your right, moving your right foot forward each time you jump into a staggered stance.

Rocking Guitar
“This move is super high energy,” says Calabrese. “I love that it’s simple to do and brings the heart rate up to burn calories.”
How to do it: Position your hands like you’re playing the air guitar, working the fretboard with your left and strumming with your right. Now turn to your left and hop to the right four times on your left foot as you kick forward with your right foot. Switch hand positions and hop left four times on your right foot while kicking forward with your left foot.

Pancake Flip
“This move brings in the tiniest bit of hip hop flare to the workout,” says Calabrese. “Just try not to have fun while doing it—you won’t be able to.”
How to do it: Take a big step to your left with you left foot, and pump both arms twice like you’re flipping pancakes. Take a big step to your right with your right foot, and flip those pancakes two more times. Now take four small steps back, starting with your left foot. With each step, flip a pancake with the opposite arm.

Under The Table
“This move is deceptively hard,” says Calabrese. “It looks like it should be easy, but boy does it work your legs.”
How to do it: From a standing position, take a big step to your left and descend into a squat, lowering your torso down and up in an arc from right to left (like you’re ducking under a table). Reverse the movement to return to a standing position, and then scoot your feet three times to your left, and three times back to your right.

Wonky Feet
“This is my favorite fun move,” says Calabrese. “It’s carefree, and reminds of being a kid, bouncing around and being silly.”
How to do it: From a standing position, take three small steps forward on your toes, starting with your left foot. Pump your heels inward once after each of the first two steps, and twice after the third step. Now take three steps back, pumping your heels in the same way.

Visit our website and let me teach you about country heat. http://www.befitwithme.com/

Article Source: Teambeachbody -Fitness- Author Trevor Thieme

The Country Heat Program

The Country Heat program includes:

6 SMOKIN' WORKOUTS ON 3 DVDS

You'll get 6 high-energy, low-impact routines that help scorch calories and incinerate fat in 30 minutes max. And every workout has a step-by-step breakdown of all the moves, plus a modifier to show you how to make the moves even easier.

No weights or equipment needed for these total-body workouts—just jump in and start dancing!

• COUNTRY SWING
  Go a little wild with songs like "Young & Crazy" while you crank up the calorie burn with moves like the Grease Step and 2-Timing Hop.
• GIDDY UP
  Stomp your feet as you speed up your heart rate. Moves like Scuff Squats and Saddle Jumps work your legs and glutes, but songs like "Fake ID" help you forget you're burning major calories!
• DOWN AND DIRTY
  Get down to the songs "Sideways" and "Footloose" and feel the fire in every muscle, while steps like Rocking Horse and Mule Kicks can send your metabolism soaring.
• BRING THE HEAT
  Autumn mixes up the tempo to blast your entire body with high-energy moves set to "I Like It, I Love It" and other hot songs that get your heart pumping, so you can get fit fast.
• TRAIL RIDE
  Blitz the fat in no time flat! There's no cooling your heels when you're doing the Summertime Stomp to tunes like "Bar Hoppin'" and "Be My Baby Tonight."
• DANCE CONDITIONING
  Follow Autumn's most effective toning and conditioning moves that use your own body weight to help build muscle and sculpt your sexiest body yet.

TOOLS TO GET YOU ON THE RIGHT TRACK—AND KEEP THOSE RESULTS COMING

7 Portion-Control Containers and Shakeology^® Shaker Cup
Now you're in control of your food. These color-coded containers help you eat what you love—in just the right amounts—so you can lose weight safely and sustainably.

• Eating Plan
  Diets don't work when you feel deprived. So Autumn found a simple way to help you lose weight, while still letting you enjoy the foods you love. Her Eating Plan and recipes make it easy. And you don't have to count calories, buy special foods, or stay home when everyone else is eating out.
• Quickstart Guide
  Autumn wants you to jump right in and dance from Day One. This guide will show you exactly where to start—and what to do next.
• 30-Day Calendar
  Autumn put all the workouts in just the right order to keep you in the groove and motivated, so the results keep coming. And there's tons of variety so you'll never get bored. Just follow the calendar, and you never have to guess which workout to do each day.

PLUS, GET A FREE BONUS WORKOUT

NIGHT CRAWL LINE DANCE WORKOUT
Hit the dance floor with Autumn's all-original choreography set to a brand-new song, written by a top country artist exclusively for Country Heat!

Visit my website for more details,  http://www.befitwithme.com/